The Mariner Monitor

 Duane Burlson/AP

Is it over? Can I open my eyes now? Part of me really doesn’t want to because I know I’d be subjected to the pain of watching this God-awful team play more.

The Mariners, making the Tigers look like the ‘27 Yankees, posted three losses in a row thanks to a 9-4 loss on Thursday afternoon. Detroit outscored Seattle 30-14 for the series. Remember, the Tigers are no more than five games better than the Mariners in the race for last place in the American League.

Miguel Bautista continued to show his ineffectiveness on the mound, failing to last longer than three innings and giving up five runs (four earned) in the process. But the only thing more offensive than his performance were his post-game quotes. Via the Seattle Times:

“My command is getting better,” he said. “After I got hurt, it was really bad. And now, when I miss, I miss around the plate most of the time.”

Trust me Miguel, you’re not missing around the plate. You’re smack in the middle of the damn thing. Just ask the Tiger hitters. He went on to say:

“You never want to beat yourself. When you start walking guys and getting behind in the count too many times, you beat yourself. They don’t beat you. You always want them to go out there and swing the bat.”

By this logic, Bautista should file a restraining order on Miguel Bautista because he’s been beating himself all year. And, seriously Miguel, do you really want the opposing team to go out there and swing the bat? Teams have been doing it to you all season and it hasn’t worked out too well.

But as much as Bautista and the rest of the pitchers stunk, the offense didn’t give them much to work with. On Tuesday night, Seattle scored seven runs after the team fell behind 11-1. That’s like a doctor rushing into the room with a defibrillator during a funeral. Then the Mariners scored progressively less, notching four runs Wednesday night and finally two runs Thursday afternoon.

Raul Ibanez, who filled the DH spot, had a chance to start a big inning against Tiger starter Jeremy Bonderman in the fifth inning of the series’ final game. He came up to the plate with bases loaded and nobody out, the perfect situation for Seattle since Ibanez is one of the team’s better hitters.

Ah, but one 6-4-3 double play later and the Mariners had scored just one run and there was two outs.

Game. Set. Match. Again.

The only positive from the series is that Ichiro continues to heat up, raising his average to .294. He is now hitting .359 in May.

It’s only fitting that during this game, Jeremy Reed had a chance to rob Brandan Inge of a home run, only to see his glove, with the ball inside, fall over the fence and into the bullpen (see above photo).

It’s kind of how Mariners fans have felt this season. At first we all thought we had something, then the team hit the wall and now we’re just left staring at our hands in disbelief.